There were a lot of tears in the lineup for grade 1 this morning, despite being week 3 of the school year. I walked home thinking about reluctance and resistance to learning, and about my role as a parent / apprentice / mentor / colleague / human.
Learning's a complex process - a hard one for humans - so why do we expect it to be easy?
To learn we have to build new structures in our brains, physically mold neurons to respond in specific ways to specific inputs. Learning takes time, repetition, practice, failure, feedback, motivation, etc. This makes learning uncomfortable at times.
We can help ourselves learn better: by choosing topics that align with our personal interests, by choosing methods that align with our learning style, by finding good teachers. While it's noble to seek tech solutions to simplify learning, it's still a deeply personal neuro-behavioural process. Learners should always expect some discomfort, normalize some pain. And lean into it like a workout.
And as for parents and mentors? I'm reflecting on Robert Greene's perspective from his book Mastery:
"To reach mastery requires some toughness and a constant connection to reality. As an apprentice, it can be hard for us to challenge ourselves on our own in the proper way, and to get a clear sense of our own weaknesses. The times that we live in make this even harder.
Developing discipline through challenging situations and perhaps suffering along the way are no longer values that are promoted in our culture. People are increasingly reluctant to tell each other the truth about themselves - their weaknesses, their inadequacies, flaws in their work.
Even the self-help books designed to set us straight tend to be soft and flattering, telling us what we want to hear-that we are basically good and can get what we want by following a few simple steps. It seems abusive or damaging to people's self-esteem to offer them stern, realistic criticism, to set them tasks that will make them aware of how far they have to go. In fact, this indulgence and fear of hurting people's feelings is far more abusive in the long run. It makes it hard for people to gauge where they are or to develop self-discipline. It makes them unsuited for the rigors of the journey to mastery. It weakens people's will.
Masters are those who by nature have suffered to get to where they are. They have experienced endless criticisms of their work, doubts about their progress, setbacks along the way. They know deep in their bones what is required to get to the creative phase and beyond. As mentors, they alone can gauge the extent of our progress, the weaknesses in our character, the ordeals we must go through to advance. In this day and age, you must get the sharpest dose of reality that is possible from your mentor. You must go in search of it and welcome it. If possible, choose a mentor who is known for supplying this form of tough love. If they shy away from giving it, force them to hold up the mirror that will reflect you as you are. Get them to give you the proper challenges that will reveal your strengths and weaknesses and allow you to gain as much feedback as possible, no matter how hard it might be to take. Accustom yourself to criticism. Confidence is important, but if it is not based on a realistic appraisal of who you are, it is mere grandiosity and smugness. Through the realistic feedback of your mentor you will eventually develop a confidence that is much more substantial and worth possessing."
